12 August 2009

I love to organize

Like, way too much. It relaxes me to find a place for everything and to have everything in its place. I've even gotten to sleep late because of it. I'll be getting ready for bed, early because I have work/school early the next day, and I'll stop to check things out at my desk and BAM it's been an hour. And not only that, but I'm feeling energized. Isn't that strange? I realized that today while working at the bookstore because, silly enough, I enjoy walking around and fixing things that are messy and out of place.

Here is Exhibit A, my new letter organizer, which I think is lovely and which I am using as a general card/paper organizer on my desk.

However, sometimes I find myself living in a messy space. My room, my house, my car, or whatever will be (in my mind) a disaster. But here is where my perfectionism kicks in. If something isn't perfect, then in my eyes it is a perfect disaster. There is a certain line between clean and messy; I don't know where it is, but when my room gets to that point, there's no turning back. I was talking to Jonty recently about why I think perfectionism is a problem. I am slowly reading The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D., and he writes that perfectionism is in fact a neurosis. While, as Jonty argued, this trait allows us (I include myself) to make the effort to do our best in everything, it has several negative effects as well. To keep it short and simple, it is a fear of imperfection. I will admit that there are many things that I have wanted to do, have planned to do, but in the end I have avoided them for fear of not doing them quite right. Or of just not having the time required to do the task as thoroughly as I feel it requires. This is yet another of the many things about myself that I've been thinking about lately. I've been trying this "Do it anyway" method, as a pilot project, of course. Because, funnily enough, I've always said that perfect is boring.

Today at work, I found out I'll be training to work in the textbook office, rather than out on the floor. I automatically assumed that this was because I was an all-star employee. In reality, I'm sure it's because of some pretty basic reasons, like that I have an easy schedule to work with or that I'm not completely retarded around other human beings (usually), or maybe it's because I'm a girl and can't wield heavy objects (i.e. books) as easily as some. But I have decided to maintain this idea that the managers sing my praises while I'm working away like a busy bee. Just for fun.

And I will end this post like I have ended many before it: I am heading off to finish my book. Someday this will not be a lie. Hopefully that day is today. It all depends on whether or not I can walk away from my messy desk.


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